Single Mom Seeking Single Mom

I’d love to meet another mom in my same situation.  Someone with which to commiserate and someone who understands this crazy life!  I have this beautiful scenario in my mind of me and another mom sharing a glass of wine or a cup of coffee while the kids play happily.  I don’t think it’s a complete fairytale.

I’ve done a little research.  I’ve looked into some MeetUp groups.  These were mostly activities for single parents and I was surprised that there were a lot of guys who joined these groups.  It made it seem more like a singles group than a group for parents looking to vent and bond.  Although I’m not religious in a traditional sense, I also looked into single parent groups at churches.  Not much luck here, but I did discover that even some of the more liberal churches in my area seem to view single parenting as an unfortunate hardship.  Here is an excerpt from a local church group’s web-site….

“The Single Parent Action Network (SPAN) provides emotional support and resources as you bravely try to be the best parent you can be. We can't change the legal system, but we can provide role models of parents who have survived being a single parent. We can't give you the financial support you need and deserve, but we can help you balance your checkbook and help you see beyond your last $5.00. We can't take away your suffering, but we can walk that path with you and give you support when the struggle wears you down. Come to SPAN and meet other single parents who are on the same journey as you. The fellowship lets you know that you are not alone. “

Are they serious?  “We can’t take away your suffering”?  The same church has fun activities for married couples of all ages, retired people and young singles, but they assume that a single parent can’t balance a checkbook?  Of course I can see the irony here.  My last post was about living paycheck to paycheck and maybe I was a little dramatic; however, I’d like to be given a little more credit.  I also think that it’s really great that this church is providing some fellowship to these “suffering” parents – I do!  I just wish that they weren’t making a blanket assumption that all single parents are down-on-their luck and hanging on by a thread.  It’s hard friggin’ work!  But, I’m also a busy professional and a person who enjoys having fun with other adults and with my kiddos.

I know she’s out there!  My single mom sister is waiting somewhere with a moderately priced bottle of Pinot Grigio.  I think she must be looking for me too J

Me….On a Budget

I never thought that I would be living pay-check to pay-check at 40.  That’s essentially where I am.  I have a career that I love, but it won’t make me rich.  I have debt up to my eyeballs from my divorce and the quick sale of our large new house that we purchased about 6 months before we split.   All of these things combined with the mounting expenses of raising two boys.  At times, the gravity of it all is crushing, truly crushing.

When I’m at my best (well-rested, no PMS, etc.), I can see my potential and I can know that I’m only going up from this point.  Child-care expenses will decrease, earnings will increase, savings will begin to accumulate and things will only get better.  But when I’m “down in it”, I can’t see this reason and I can’t picture the positive future.  I have to write myself notes and affirmations reminding me of my potential and that I am capable of providing for my boys.

I can provide, but at what level?  Will it be enough?  Will my boys feel the stresses of the lifestyle that I chose for them?  These are the questions that keep me up at night.

The summer is upon us and what should be a carefree time is my most financially stressful time of the year.  My childcare expenses are sky-high since school is out and I have to pay for full-time care for my boys.  My ex chooses not to take advantage of the 4 weeks that he is entitled to in the summer.  This translates into HUGE expenses for me each summer.

I also have the reality of knowing that I could have planned better.  There – I said it.  There was money earlier in the year (from bonuses and tax-refunds) that I could have socked away.  Don’t get me wrong, there were no crazy shopping sprees, but I could and should have held onto a little of that money for a rainy day (or a long hot summer!).  It’s hard for me to admit that, but I feel better doing it!  I know that I will make better choices next time.

Talking about finances makes me feel like I’m drowning.  For today, this blog is my life raft.  It’s so strange to put it “out there”, but I want to feel the reality of my situation.  I want to feel it with all of its crushing heaviness.  Only then can I begin to let it go.

Signing off for today J